I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
