i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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