Your face is a jimmy john
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
