eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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