i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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