the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
