my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
