I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
