I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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