sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
