I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
