I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
