thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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