so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
