are you still at the devil's house?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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