You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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