THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
