do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
