you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
