We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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