I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I could fuck to npr.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
