you win again, gameday.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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