the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
