before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
