dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Panties = found
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
