the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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