in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
