i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize