Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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