I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We are all done wearing pants today
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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