FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize