How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
