Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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