Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
