I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize