I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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