i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
