I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
