Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize