I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
