If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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