i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize