Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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