I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
