TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
