im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
