I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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