If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
