No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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