I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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