Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
