and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
