I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize