I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my shit smells like andre
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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