I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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