Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
