no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
