So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
