So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
