my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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