I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
