i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
