I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
