I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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