is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize