i think my mom watched the whole time
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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