ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize