Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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