woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
worst night to have a conscience
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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