I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
