Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
