I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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