I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
