I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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