it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
