I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
