Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
