i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
her vagine was all disorganized.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
