Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Pooping to opera.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
