I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
