somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All I want is dick and wine.
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