what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
