Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
