yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
