I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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