Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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