I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize