My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
