how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
