It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
