The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
