No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
