do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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