Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
