I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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