Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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