I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
