So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
