My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
